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  (Excerpt from Chapter 8)


For ages, adults have debated which sleeping position is best for Baby. While parents and physicians have their own ideas, the only certainty is that your child prefers to sleep standing up. Of course, that's you who is standing, not the child. And you are holding her while standing. And you must maintain that position until you lose all feeling in your extremities. At that point, you are actually relieved to no longer have any feeling. Below are some sleep positions, in case you want to try to convince your child to slumber in a manner more comfortable for you.


Spi zzzz Sleeping on back

Spi zzzzseele Sleeping on back with legs and arms spread as if making a snow angel

Zeedaffy Sleeping on back with both legs together and bent to one side

Tum zzzz Sleeping on stomach

Woom zzz Sleeping in fetal position, on side

Tushiz upzzz Sleeping with butt in the air

Thupplezzz Sleeping with thumb or pacifier in mouth

Thupplukaezzz Sleeping with thumb in mouth after blanket wraps around thumb

Zeenoos Getting stuck in a tangled-up blanket

Slipzee Sleeping with one extremity (arm, leg, nose, etc.) extending between the crib pillars and outside the crib

Zeelux Maneuver in which baby completes a half turn in his sleep, leaving his head on the opposite side of the crib from where it was when he fell asleep

HudiniZeelux Zeelux while wrapped in a swaddle

Z sling Nap while in snuggly

Z hi Nap while in backpack

Z zoom Nap in car seat

Z bst Nap while resting on shoulder

Diz z Sleep after parent has walked in circles around the nursery for an hour


Since your infant prefers to fall asleep anyplace other than her crib, you will have to transfer her to the crib in order to be free to go about your day or get some sleep in your own bed. This transfer is a delicate procedure as even the slightest misstep can wake your child. Here are some of the more common maneuvers:


Geer dn Airplane landing - Holding baby on stomach and floating him as if coming in for a landing

Swich roo The Substitute - Placing a form-fitted cushion next to your shoulder and moving baby over so that she thinks she's still on your shoulder.

Laway The Bait and Switch - Like the Swich roo, the theory here is to lead the baby to believe you are staying next to him while he is sleeping. With the Laway, you actually lay down in bed with your baby and then gently (after counting to 100) roll away and off the end of the bed.

Fibbr The Con - Telling the baby a direct lie (i.e. I will be right back, I'm just going to get some tissues) and hope that she falls asleep before figuring out that you're not coming back.

Yahbaybee The Smooth Operator - Relatively seamless, unobstructed and bump-free transfer from your arms to the crib.

Boingy The Trampoline - Getting baby used to up and down motion so that when you accidentally bounce him in the crib it doesn't wake him.

Ooop The Flop - random, awkward position baby is in when dropped into crib after he fell asleep on your shoulder and you tried unsuccessfully to negotiate the Smooth Operator transfer. You want to avoid this, but many babies sleep through it. Don't bother trying to pull their hands out from under them.

Wooflet The Pet - You rub baby's head in a soothing manner with one hand as you place her gently in the crib and continue rubbing, hoping the uninterrupted petting keeps her distracted from the transfer.

Kay si Kay sum The Serenade - Like the Wooflet, but using songs instead of the rub. You sing a variety of lullabies and, during the third song of a five-song set, place him gently in the crib and continue singing to distract him from the transfer. One example of a five-song set that works well for The Serenade is:

1. The Rainbow Connection
(Kermit the Frog's version - slows the pace down and gets baby into the initial sleep stage).

2. Return to Pooh Corner
(Kenny Loggins from Return to Pooh Corner - this song's good soothing pace and long length will put baby to sleep or in a pre-sleep trance).

3. Lullaby and Goodnight
(Humming version - Pivotal song is purely relaxing and, importantly, has no words so you can concentrate exclusively on the smooth transfer).

4. Fools Rush In
(Elvis - Baby drops into deep sleep following transfer release. If Elvis can't close the deal, nobody can).

5. Fly Me To The Moon
(Frank Sinatra - The author's like to hear themselves sing this one. Actually not conducive to sleep, but by this time your baby is already sleeping so it doesn't matter).

Lawdy The Prayer - You figure it doesn't matter how you put the kid down, you just pray after you make the transfer that she doesn't wake up. Often this includes holding your hands over the baby as if blessing them in mid-air. You hold this position until you are confident baby will stay asleep. Then you walk out or do the…

Oom The Crawl - This is to avoid creaky floors and so that should baby open one eye, you will be below his radar. As long as he doesn't see you he'll assume he's still on your shoulder and will close his eyes again.