|(Excerpt from Chapter 8)
For ages, adults have debated which sleeping position is best for
Baby. While parents and physicians have their own ideas, the only
certainty is that your child prefers to sleep standing up. Of course,
that's you who is standing, not the child. And you are holding her
while standing. And you must maintain that position until you lose
all feeling in your extremities. At that point, you are actually
relieved to no longer have any feeling. Below are some sleep positions,
in case you want to try to convince your child to slumber in a manner
more comfortable for you.
Spi zzzz Sleeping on back
Spi zzzzseele Sleeping on back with legs and arms spread
as if making a snow angel
Zeedaffy Sleeping on back with both legs together and bent
to one side
Tum zzzz Sleeping on stomach
Woom zzz Sleeping in fetal position, on side
Tushiz upzzz Sleeping with butt in the air
Thupplezzz Sleeping with thumb or pacifier in mouth
Thupplukaezzz Sleeping with thumb in mouth after blanket
wraps around thumb
Zeenoos Getting stuck in a tangled-up blanket
Slipzee Sleeping with one extremity (arm, leg, nose, etc.)
extending between the crib pillars and outside the crib
Zeelux Maneuver in which baby completes a half turn in his
sleep, leaving his head on the opposite side of the crib from where
it was when he fell asleep
HudiniZeelux Zeelux while wrapped in a swaddle
Z sling Nap while in snuggly
Z hi Nap while in backpack
Z zoom Nap in car seat
Z bst Nap while resting on shoulder
Diz z Sleep after parent has walked in circles around the
nursery for an hour
Since your infant prefers to fall asleep anyplace other than her
crib, you will have to transfer her to the crib in order to be free
to go about your day or get some sleep in your own bed. This transfer
is a delicate procedure as even the slightest misstep can wake your
child. Here are some of the more common maneuvers:
Geer dn Airplane landing - Holding baby on stomach and floating
him as if coming in for a landing
Swich roo The Substitute - Placing a form-fitted cushion
next to your shoulder and moving baby over so that she thinks she's
still on your shoulder.
Laway The Bait and Switch - Like the Swich roo, the theory
here is to lead the baby to believe you are staying next to him
while he is sleeping. With the Laway, you actually lay down in bed
with your baby and then gently (after counting to 100) roll away
and off the end of the bed.
Fibbr The Con - Telling the baby a direct lie (i.e. I will
be right back, I'm just going to get some tissues) and hope that
she falls asleep before figuring out that you're not coming back.
Yahbaybee The Smooth Operator - Relatively seamless, unobstructed
and bump-free transfer from your arms to the crib.
Boingy The Trampoline - Getting baby used to up and down
motion so that when you accidentally bounce him in the crib it doesn't
Ooop The Flop - random, awkward position baby is in when
dropped into crib after he fell asleep on your shoulder and you
tried unsuccessfully to negotiate the Smooth Operator transfer.
You want to avoid this, but many babies sleep through it. Don't
bother trying to pull their hands out from under them.
Wooflet The Pet - You rub baby's head in a soothing manner
with one hand as you place her gently in the crib and continue rubbing,
hoping the uninterrupted petting keeps her distracted from the transfer.
Kay si Kay sum The Serenade - Like the Wooflet, but using
songs instead of the rub. You sing a variety of lullabies and, during
the third song of a five-song set, place him gently in the crib
and continue singing to distract him from the transfer. One example
of a five-song set that works well for The Serenade is:
1. The Rainbow Connection
(Kermit the Frog's version - slows the pace down and gets baby into
the initial sleep stage).
2. Return to Pooh Corner
(Kenny Loggins from Return to Pooh Corner - this song's good soothing
pace and long length will put baby to sleep or in a pre-sleep trance).
3. Lullaby and Goodnight
(Humming version - Pivotal song is purely relaxing and, importantly,
has no words so you can concentrate exclusively on the smooth transfer).
4. Fools Rush In
(Elvis - Baby drops into deep sleep following transfer release.
If Elvis can't close the deal, nobody can).
5. Fly Me To The Moon
(Frank Sinatra - The author's like to hear themselves sing this
one. Actually not conducive to sleep, but by this time your baby
is already sleeping so it doesn't matter).
Lawdy The Prayer - You figure it doesn't matter how you put the
kid down, you just pray after you make the transfer that she doesn't
wake up. Often this includes holding your hands over the baby as
if blessing them in mid-air. You hold this position until you are
confident baby will stay asleep. Then you walk out or do the
Oom The Crawl - This is to avoid creaky floors and so that should
baby open one eye, you will be below his radar. As long as he doesn't
see you he'll assume he's still on your shoulder and will close
his eyes again.